Spread Your Wings - Cloud Keepers
by xMidnight'sLullaby
Summary: We are no angels. We are cloud keepers. It is our job to to fight demons and lost souls to keep save the gates to heaven. It's hard to maintain your sanity out here. But I have someone I fight for. Someone I live for. Someone I love. Although I'm not supposed to. These feelings are abnormal and I need to forget about him. I have to. OtaYuri AU
1. 01 Ancient Rose

This story has been inspired by two pictures drawn by the talented crimson-chains (tumblr: crimson-chains, instagram: crimsonchains) and a short story written by the wonderful kitten. on .ice on instagram.

The cover image is made by crimson-chains.

We are no angels. Angels live inside the gates of heaven obeying His orders or down on earth among the humans executing His plans. I can't put into words how much I hate these humans. It's their fault we are here, it's their fault we are fighting every day, it's their fault we are dying. Just because of His creations we are guarding the gates and walls of heaven. This is our destiny and the only reason why we are existing.

We are cloud keepers. We fight against demons, sinners and lost souls that try to invade the holy land. It's our job to kill and risk our lives just to protect His sacred creations. Sacred – as if. What we battle against is nothing more than His rotten offspring that turned its back onto Him and wandered of His path. Sometimes it seems to me that we were designed as janitors and garbage disposal, left outside the walls to deal with the scum that didn't turn out as He wanted, while his beloved children and angels play around in this golden cage he calls paradise.

I've only seen the Garden of Eden once when I was born. We don't know who or what we were, we don't know anything about our past, we just awake. We don't have parents, we are born when we are given our name. The only thing I remember is that I was floating around somewhere and nowhere, feeling nothing and everything. For an eternity I was sleeping. I had a dreamless but nurturing rest. And then, I suddenly heard a voice. It was warm and kind while it clearly called out for me. The next moment, I opened my eyes and I existed.

After I awaked, I exactly knew what my job was and what I had to do. I was brought outside to the clouds and I never left this place. Alongside my friends and comrades, I am trying my best to keep all the redeemed souls, all the angels and – of course – Himself safe. You might think this job should be easy because we are filled with His power. But I am sorry to destroy your image of Him. He is not the almighty, all gentle Father you imagine He is. He might be powerful that is true. But besides, He is cruel, indifferent and egocentric. He creates and destroys just as He likes. Everything that exists is just an enormous playground and we are toys as well as actors in His play. There is no sense in it, neither a goal or plan behind it. We were formed to amuse Him. Nothing more, nothing less.

His cruelness is His worst trade, if you ask me. He must love torturing, so he can bring out the greatest despair in everything he created. Why would He create us with a self-consciousness while we could also have been robotic soldiers, if our thoughts wouldn't amuse Him? Why would He form us as social creatures, if He didn't enjoy our cries accompanying our fallen comrades? Why would He design us with the ability to feel, if He didn't wallow in our desperation?

We have sensations, feelings and thoughts. We aren't invulnerable, we suffer from every blade that cuts through our skins. We aren't indifferent, we bemoan the loss of every friend that falls at our side. We aren't compliant robots, we are questioning our existence every day. But there is no way out. No possibility to escape this madness. There is no promotion that gets you a job inside the gates if you fought well enough or survived long enough. The only exit is death. It takes a bunch of hits for us to die, but eventually, we will. We can recover if we pray, but this takes time and quiet. Often, I just want to end this. All this blood that sticks to my hands and all these screams around me make me go crazy. Even if there is peace, I can hear and see it in my mind. When I close my eyes, I relive every combat. I stopped counting how many good friends I lost on this never-ending battlefield. Thousands of times I thought about giving up, cutting my wings off and jumping off these clouds. But I couldn't.

There is one reason I was able to keep my sanity. Something I fight for. Someone I want to protect with my life no matter what enemy is approaching us. Someone I love.

He is my best friend, the only person I look up to and the best fighter I have ever seen. When he's by my side, I can bear our destiny. He is the only one who is able to draw my thoughts away from death and darkness. I want to see him smile every second, because it reminds me that there are things worth living for. The times he talks to me are the most precious moments I keep save in my heart. That times, I feel like l am someone. Like I matter. He doesn't talk a lot, but every word ascending from his divine lips reaches my inner depths. I hope that, if I die one day, he would miss me at least a little bit. Because his death would be my end.

The first day I met him was after the second severe battle I endured on my duty. I was hurt pretty bad, so I knelt down covered in blood and begged for His mercy until I heard someone calling my name. I looked up and the second I caught his gaze, I couldn't take my eyes off him. When he told me his name, my heart stopped beating at the sound of his voice. It filled me with warmth and comfort. I still think that his name is the most beautiful word I ever heard. Otabek. He offered me his hand and helped me standing up. His touch sent shivers through my body. I wasn't able to move, I just stood there and stared at him. I even forgot about my injuries. Everything about him seemed just perfect to me. His edged and determined features. His strong and athletic body. The dark hair that was cut off in the back. These eyes. I still get the chills every time I look at them. Even though Otabek seems expressionless most of the time, his eyes are the mirrors of his soul. Although I am unable to read them, they look at me as if I was an open book. The first time I was able to lose myself in this dark and endless brown, I found myself in that very state before my awakening. There was nothing but these eyes. I never thought I'd experience this feeling of completion and peace again. I finally felt home somewhere. This was the time I fell for him.


	2. 02 Flame Dark

From the second I fell for Beka I knew it was wrong. We are warriors. We aren't supposed to have these kinds of romantic feelings. Let alone being in a relationship. So, I have to forget about it. I have to. At least I should try to.

It's so unfair. Those arrogant winged folks inside the walls are allowed to have relationships. It's even natural for them to find their partner. And when they found him or her, they form a bond. A bond that is supposed to be even stronger than He is. They will be together for an eternity. Before I met Otabek, I never thought I want to stay at somebody's side for the rest of time. But since then… it doesn't seem stupid anymore. Every time I see him smile, I wish we were angels. Every time he touches me, I wish he would be mine.

I never longed so much for someone to touch me like I do now. Of course, I know what desire is. I watched those wretched humans way too often. I know what they do when they… love each other. I always found it weird and sometimes even disgusting. To hand yourself over to someone, trusting him so much. The desire to hold somebody so close, becoming one. I never understood what all this was about. I just thought they were stupid to make themselves so vulnerable. But now I have someone I want to touch. I have someone I want to be close to. If he wanted, I would hand my life over to him without asking. Even now, I am already his, although he will never know. But just one word from him and I…. No! I mustn't think about this. This needs to stop.

Although Beka is the light in all this darkness that surrounds us, I cannot go on like this. Sometimes, my head is filled with him every second and I can't concentrate on my duty anymore. One time, I nearly died because I looked out for him on the battlefield instead of focusing on my fight. This determined face as he thrusted his spear into a demon's head. Seeing him alive and well refilled me with energy and helped me through this mess of dead bodies around me. I might sound childish, but Otabek is the hero of my dreams. I stopped counting how often he saved me from a deadly attack. We even work great as a team sometime. We don't need to talk. Fighting by his side feels natural. Our movements complete each other. When we're together we're unstoppable.

Over the course of time I became really bad in hiding my feelings from him. I cannot deny that I'm longing for his closeness. One time, after he saved me by throwing himself between me and my opponent, I flung my arms around his neck without thinking. But it felt so good. When I remember this moment, I feel him hugging me back, but I'm pretty sure this is just my imagination. I look forward to every patrol I can do with him. I love these walks alongside the walls. Most of the times we stay silent, but it never feels uncomfortable. Of course, I can't keep myself from looking at him from time to time and sometimes he looks back at me. The first time he caught me admiring him from the side, I blushed instantly and turned down my head. But as I tried to lift my head again, he smiled at me. I still blush when he catches me off-guard, but he smiles at me every time.

I always knew he was special. He is so different from the rest of us. He is stronger, and his presence makes everyone around him obey his orders without hesitation. Also, his wings are greater than ours and they are completely black. Most cloud keepers' wings are grey. I don't know what, but there is something about him that made me reckon he isn't a normal cloud keeper. A long time, I dismissed these thoughts as a byeffect of the feeling I try to bury deep inside. However, one day made me change my opinion.

Once when I patrolled the walls alone, I saw Otabek talking to angel. My eyes were caught by this incredible sight. It's true what they say about angels. Their wings are greater than ours and in the sun's light they shimmered like golden rivers. I took a closer look. It might seem impolite to stop and stare, but it's pretty rare to see one of them outside. His features were absolutely beautiful. His silver hair reflected the light, so his halo shone ever brighter. To me he seemed like the most perfect creature that ever existed. His presence filled me with awe, it nearly brought me to my knees. At the same time, he radiated a sense of calm I can only compare to the one I feel when I look at Beka's eyes.

I didn't know how long I stood there and watched them. I had the feeling that they were having an argument, but I had no idea what they were discussing about. What would Otabek have to do with an angel, let alone knowing him personally. Things were getting quite heated up until a smaller angel with black hair and silver wings approached both of them. He seemed a little upset about something, but when the one with the golden wings took his hand, crossed their fingers and put a little kiss on his head, he became silent. I had never seen an angelic couple before, but just the little touches and intimacies they shared made me sad. It visualized what I will never have. My eyes started to fill with tears and I accidentally let out a little wail, though it was loud enough for the three to turn their heads.

I hid myself behind the corner I was peeking around. My heart was beating so loud. I knew that they had discovered me, because Beka had looked me directly in the eyes, but none of them was coming for me. When finally dared to take another peek, I saw the taller angel holding Otabek's arm as if he had stopped him from chasing after me. I wanted to turn my head away and let them be, when I saw the angel shaking his head in disbelieve, letting out a sigh and pulling Beka into his arms. And Beka, he hugged him back. I had to cover my mouth with my hands or else I would have left out another wail. Tears sprang to my eyes and as I ran away, I felt something hot inside my chest. It was burning and it hurt so much I had to stop running and let myself slump to the ground. Was I… jealous?


	3. 03 Frozen Emotion

This incident, when I watched Beka talking to that angel, happened a while ago, but since then, I have tried to keep my distance from him as much as I can. This feeling that burnt my chest and filled my head with anger made me realize that I went way too far. I should have stopped this earlier. Me being jealous… That's ridiculous. This never should have happened from the start. Since that day, I can't concentrate on my duty anymore. Every time I try to focus, this image of him and the angel appears in my mind and triggers mixed feelings. Of course, I still want to be by his side. Avoiding him hurts so much I can hardly stand it, and yet… Just imagining him with that silver-haired bastard makes me furious. Certainly, I know that there is nothing like that between them. It was pretty obvious that the other angel was his partner. Still… I wonder how they are interrelated.

I'm so mad at myself. Why can't that stupid voice inside my head just stop keeping up my hopes. There is and never will be a chance that Beka feels the same for me. He will never be mine. However, I will forever be his.

I was stupid to think Otabek wouldn't notice that I'm avoiding him. Granted, I haven't been too inconspicuous about it. Whenever he tried to approach me, I either have tried to hide somewhere or turn around and change directions. However, there are still times when I can't keep my distance. We are supposed to work together as anyone else does. We have to patrol together. I'd rather volunteer for doing double shifts at the frontlines, but I'm not that suicidal, although I'm pretty convinced this would be more comfortable than the silence which surrounds us the whole time when we're walking alongside the walls. The first few times, Beka tried to say something, but I made it quite clear that I was not interested in whatever he had to say. I turned away my head and passed by him when he stopped for a moment. This might sound harsh, but I know, the second I hear his voice, I melt down and fall for him even more.

So, we keep on walking, heads straight forward, everyone caught up in his own thoughts. But no matter what, I can't hinder my stupid heart to make my gaze turn to him from time to time. Today as well. Why can't I just ignore him? I cautiously look to my right. Beka's head is turned towards the ground and it seems as he can't concentrate either. I'm sure I'm imagining it, but his face looks so unsure and it even seems like he's brooding over something. Like he's trying to understand something that absolutely makes no sense to him. Suddenly, he lifts his gaze, turns left and catches my eye. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't turn away. He keeps me captive with his beautiful dark eyes. These eyes that usually warm up the depths of my heart. They normally make me feel like I'm the only one that matters. They have the power to calm me down no matter what. But now... These eyes carry such a sadness in them. They look hurt. It feels like time has stopped ticking. Nothing exists except for the both of us. Nothing matters but this moment.

I don't know how long we've been standing there. My mind is totally blank. I can't do anything else. I just need to keep up this connection we share as long as I can, although it hurts me seeing such a pained expression on his face. Just for a second, he closes his eyes and bites on his lips. He opens them and the second our eyes meet again, I suddenly realize. It's my fault. It's my fault he is hurt. It was myself doing this to him. I've been avoiding him without any reason and refused talking to him since that day. We are friends, or comrades at least. Of course, he is wondering what happened. I thought about my feelings only and totally forgot about his, although I would never have imagined that he would care so much about me. I feel so ashamed of myself I could start crying. I never cry. I'm a warrior. I'm not supposed to cry. However, I can already feel tears flooding my eyes. I don' want to cry in front of him. I just want to run away.

It takes all my strength to break away from his eyes and turn around. I can hear Beka taking a breath like he wants to say something, but I don't want to hear it. I can't. As fast as I can I run away. I don't care that I'm abandoning my post. I don't even care where I'm running to. I just want to get away from him. I know I could use my wings, but I know this would be pointless as he's faster than me. I don't want him to catch up.

I must have been running for quite some time now as my chest burns like hellfire. I let myself sink to the floor leaning my head against the wall. I just don't understand why Beka would be hurt so much by me avoiding him. I'm just someone. I don't matter. There are thousands of Cloud Keepers out there. It's not like I'm the only one he's doing his duty with. Although… I've never seen him patrolling with somebody else but me. But that's impossible. Shifts are switched regularly to strengthen the trust and alliance between all of us. The more I think about it… Beka is always in the same unit as I am. How strange… All in all, we have spent quite some time together. One could assume he sees me as a partner in crime. Maybe as a friend as well. However, this still won't explain his pained expression. Could it be that….

Did Beka find out about my feelings for him? Did I act too obvious? Fuck… Did he look so hurt because I haven't told him or even worse: Is he sad because he thinks he lost me as a friend? Of course, he wouldn't want to be my friend anymore. I'm abnormal. These feelings that I have shouldn't exist. Cloud Keepers aren't supposed to feel for each other in the way I do.  
It's like a switch was flipped and I start crying like baby. It's so humiliating, but I just can't stop. I lost my best friend, the one, I cherish more than my life, because I was stupid. Because I wanted him so much that I let my guard fall down. Beka is disgusted by my feelings. He hates my feelings for him so much that he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I lost him because I love him.

Still caught up in my despair, I can hear footsteps coming closer. First, they were in a rush, but now they're slowing down until they stop right in front on me. I don't want to look up. I don't want to see who chased after me. Certainly, Beka has reported me for leaving my post. I can't let anyone else see me crying, so I bury my face even deeper in my arms which rest on my tucked-up knees. "Leave!", I shout, but the person in front of me won't move. To the contrary, the one before me seems to be crouching down as I hear his pants coming closer. "Just leave!", I tried once more. But instead of departing footsteps, I hear a beautiful voice. "Yuri."

It's Beka. Why the hell did he follow me? Why wouldn't he just leave. "Yura, please." Suddenly, all my sobs stop immediately. He never called my like that before. Nobody has called me like that before. It sounds so…caring, even intimate. "Otabek, just leave me alone. I can't face you. Not, since you know." – "Wait wha…" Still, I don't dare to look at his face. I don't want to see the disappointment in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I wish I could stop. You have no idea how much I tried." Slowly, I'm pushing myself up on the wall. "I know that what I feel is abnormal. I know that we Cloud Keepers aren't supposed to feel this way. I tried everything, you need to believe me. I understand that you think I'm disgusting. I understand that you are disappointed. I even understand that you're mad at me for ruining our friendship. I can't express how sorry I am. I don't dare to ask you for forgiveness. I'm…" Tears are starting to fill my eyes again and the rest of what I was trying to say is covered by my sobs.  
I can't stand this anymore. I can't stand feeling his look on me. I can't stand the warmth that he emits. I can't stand being near him one more second, so I push myself away from the wall and start running again.

I've just been taking two steps when suddenly something is grabbing my arm. I try to free myself. I don't want him to shout at me. It would kill me, if he said that he never wanted to see me again. But as I struggle to get away, Beka pulls me close. He wraps his arms around me. I'm so shocked I can't move anymore. Him…being so close. I'm not even able to hug him back. We just stand there for a while, my head leaning against his chest. Slowly, the tears stop falling and my breath is soothing. It seems that Beka noticed too as he carefully pushes me away from him. Not enough to take his arms off me, but sufficiently to look at me. I still try to avoid his eyes, but I just can't. The expression he wears now is so arcane I have no idea what he's thinking. Until finally he takes in a deep breath. I close my eyes, afraid of what he will say. But there are no words. I only sense something warm approaching my face. Then, I feel his lips on mine.


	4. 04 sky-HIGH

My brain is blank. I have no idea what is happening right now. I'm too shocked to do anything. I know I should stop thinking and start enjoying this, but there's too much going on inside of me. My body seems to be on fire and all the things I stuffed into my darkest corners are breaking loose. This is wrong. We aren't supposed to do this. This is disgusting. But why does it feel so good? I know that what we're doing is wrong, but I can feel it's right. My body starts moving by itself and so I wrap my arms around Beka's neck to pull him closer and return the kiss. I hear him letting out a short sigh of relieve before he intensifies his kiss. One of his hands is caressing my cheek while the other one is clutching my back. Normally, his nails buried in my skin should hurt, but they don't. On the contrary, his touches completely mirror my feelings for him. I want to hold him close as long as I can.

I let my hands slowly wander around. The right one finds its way to Beka's hair where I grasp a strand of hair to stabilize myself. The other one is moving in feathery strokes to his upper body and takes a rest on his chest. His body is muscular, and I would lie if I said it wouldn't attract me, but this is not important right now. What I really care about is the rapid beating of his heart that I can feel under my fingers. It is completely off beat and if I didn't know better, I would be afraid it could explode. However, I sense, without needing to touch my own chest, that both our hearts are beating in the same hastily rhythm, they are perfectly synchronized.

As time passes we don't move away at least a bit, only our hands keep on exploring the other's body. Beka's hands touch my chest, my back, my hair, my face. I'm surrounded by his warmth and his sent, I fear it will get me drunk in no time. I want him. I want to become addicted to him. I want him to make me his forever. I slowly start to let my hands slip under his gown to finally be able to touch more of him. Kind of shocked, Beka takes in a short breath and draws back for a second. My heart skips a beat, because I fear that I went too far. But the Cloud Keeper in front of me starts to smile and pulls me close again. It seems that my boldness was just a start signal for him to go further. Suddenly, I feel his tongue carefully nudging my lips like he is asking me for permission. As if he needed it. Beka has command over me and I would be stupid to stop him now. Without hesitation I part my lips for him and his tongue slips in immediately. Although all these sensations are new to me, my body knows exactly what to do.

When I watched humans doing these kind of things, I always imagined it to feel weird, but what we are doing here is so different from what I thought it would be. Beka's touches leave a trail of burns along my body and every piece of me is screaming for him. As his hands caress my upper body, he turns his lips away from mine and kisses his way towards my neck. Before I noticed, he tenderly bites me, just to lick over this area as an apology. I let out a dumped moan which I try to cover with my hand, but Beka smiles against my skin and takes my hand to intertwine our fingers. Now unable to keep in my moans, I try to get a hold of something in order to stabilize me. All of Beka's touches and kisses make my knees tremble and if he wouldn't support me with his hand on my back, I'm sure I would have dropped. However, exactly this hand is carefully wandering down and as it reaches my hips, I cling my arms around his neck again, directing his head up again. We look at each other and only now I notice that he is panting as much as I do.

I try to catch my breath while I get lost once more in his beautiful dark eyes. Different from usual there is no warm brown, but a compelling black that makes me want to lose myself in it forever. It draws me closer and closer and I just can't resist to pull Beka back to me again and kiss him passionately. I want him to feel as good as he makes me feel. I start to place soft kisses from the edge of his lips towards his neckline. I let my tongue slip along his collarbone hardly touching him. My hands make their way down his upper body and I can feel him tremble under my fingers. Just as I slide them under his belt, he lets out a growl and grasps my wrists. Confused I turn my head up only to look into his deep black eyes that are even darker than before. He closes them for a moment and takes in a few breaths.

Why did he stop me? Did I do something wrong? My hands start shaking and I feel that fear is taking up my body, but before it swallows me up, Beka opens his eyes again and all I see in them is happiness and… is it love?

"I'm sorry I had to stop you. You did nothing wrong. It's just… If I didn't stop you, I know I wouldn't have been able to restrain myself." Coyly, he turns his head away from me, but I still could see that he is blushing. "Beka…" – "What you said before Yuri, it breaks my heart to hear you think that... this… is disgusting. There is nothing wrong with it – neither is something wrong with you or me. Didn't you feel it? Do you really think that we're not supposed to feel something so…" It so unusual for him to be out of words, but somehow it makes me happy right now. I wrap my arms around his waist and bury my head in his chest. Hesitantly, he hugs me back and I can feel his whole body shaking. "Yeah, I did... I felt it too." I mumble against his skin. For quite some time we stand there, enjoying our closeness. However, the feeling that there's something wrong with Beka grows inside me. I loosen my arms and look up to him. "Beka, I can see there is something on your mind. You can tell me, you know." He sighs. "I know. But… Yura, there is something I have to tell you. Something you don't know about me. I'm not… I am…"

"Attack! Everybody to arms!"


	5. 05 Tokashite

All I hear is screams and shouting. Everyone around me is trying to fight back our attackers, but there seems to be no end. Never before they had been so numerous. It's like we are already drowning in blood and corpses around us, but new waves collapse over our heads. I know I should do my best, I know that it's my job to give my life on this battlefield. Yet, all I can do is rely on my body that is moving on its own, following a routine that has been programmed into my spine. My head is million miles away from what is happening here.

It still seems like a dream to me – Beka kissing me, holding me close, telling me that it's okay to have these feelings. From all that he said and from the way he looked, a glimpse of hope awaked inside me. A hope that holds a future for us. A hope that lets me stay by his side. Just being close to him every minute would be more than I have ever wished for. When I looked into his eyes, I felt like my desires were mirrored.  
That small glimpse had turned into a wildfire in no time. Even though Beka wanted to tell me something important before we were interrupted, it hasn't been the fact that he had kept a secret from me that he was finally able to confide that made my body catch fire. It was his expression. Just for a second, he let me read him and what I saw inside him overwhelmed me. I was able to spot happiness, relief, even love. All his feelings were pouring into me. But there was something else. Something, I had never seen before. Fear.

Although we are supposed to react without delay when we are called to arms, we stood there, Beka still holding my hands. It was like we were kicked out of our own world and we needed time to fit back into what we are ought to be. A second call was needed to finally make us spread our wings and fly to the frontlines. We were passing over our comrades battling more than two attackers at once and we knew that this wasn't going to be easy. If we were lucky we would survive heavily injured, but as we made it to our post, we already had lost our hopes. While drawing my sword and setting in on white fire, I took one last look at Beka. He was standing in front of me and I had the feeling that he had to summon all his strength not to turn towards me. He took one deep breath and as he was shoved off the ground back into the air, he whispered "Take care of you. I need you."

His voice is still inside my head and makes it hard for me to concentrate. I have lost count of how many friends I had seen falling in an amount of time I have lost track of. I don't want to die and to keep myself alive I should start focusing, but all I think of is Beka. I haven't seen him since he flew away and I can't stand the thought that something might have happened to him. Surely, he is the best warrior I have ever seen, but… I spread my wings and start searching for him flying over a sea of destruction and despair. The longer I look out for him, the uneasier I get. Why don't I see him anywhere? Finally, I decide to return to the ground, when I suddenly hear someone scream "Yuri, behind you!"

As fast as I can, I turn around, just in time to counter the attack. The demon that has tried to cut my neck with his long and disgusting claws is so surprised that I got ahold of his arm that he didn't notice I have driven my sword into his chest. As I pull it out again, making a squishing sound, he collapses revealing the source of the call that saved my life. Beka stands in front of me panting heavily. His eyes have turned back to normal and his expression gives no hint of what he is thinking. He pauses just for a moment and then returns thrusting his spear into the dark creatures that are crawling towards us. My mind is still racing, but at least I can take the position I belong to which is fighting on Beka's side.

I can feel that my body is sore, and I am close to collapse in exhaustion, but every little glimpse on Beka being alive and giving his best, let's me gather up my last reserves. Slowly, I gain the impression that the attackers become less. With every minute, the waves that we thought would drown us become smaller and finally stop. I let out a deep breath when silence surrounds us for the first time since the battle started. Beka who is still beside me turns towards me and smile. I can see that he is as relieved as I am that we both are alive and without major injuries. His eyes are now coloured in the warm brown I love so much, and they catch me immediately. He takes a step towards me. For some moments he just stands there, trying to catch his breath. I just look at him. I can neither move nor talk. My body starts trembling as I come to realize that it's over. Slowly, Beka raises his arm and starts caressing my checks. I allow myself to close my eyes for a second, leaning into his touch.

I open my eyes and I see Beka standing even closer to me than before. With his hand he draws my face closer to his and closes his eyes. Then suddenly, a second before I was able to close my eyes and lean into that kiss I was desperately waiting for, I see something in the corner of my eye. I see something dark storming towards Beka, its claws sharpened for one final attack. Without thinking I shove Beka aside while trying to shield my face and body with my arms. I feel something cold cutting through my flesh. I feel the worst pain I have ever experienced reaching from my chest to my whole body. I hear Beka screaming my name. I feel him wrapping his arms around me impeding my fall. Then, there is nothing.


	6. 06 Fis-sure

I am floating, drifting. I don't know who or what I am. I just… am. I am surrounded by a warm light that fills me with peace and calm. Time is a concept which is unknown to me. I have no past, I have no future. Nothing is important, nothing is existing. There is nothing but peace.

Suddenly, I hear a voice. I don't really understand what it's saying. But it repeats itself as it was calling for me. As if it was my name. I'm drawn towards that voice. It's deep and it emits the same calmness as the light that surrounds me. Yet, there is something that makes me stop. Somewhere far behind me, there is another voice. It's warm and soothing, but at the same time desperate. I have the sensation that I have heard it before. Not in here, but I can't remember where. I try to concentrate on the feelings that started working inside me since that second voice reached my ears. However, the first voice becomes louder and demanding. It seems like it wants to drown the other one as it feared it would remind me of something. Something I had. Something I lost.

The second voice gets louder as well, although it keeps its loving tone. The nowhere I am in had been so silent before, yet it is now filled with the resounding of both voices. They get louder and louder, so much I can't stand it. They are pressing on me and I feel like I torn apart. Any second, I will explode. I try to shut them out, but I have no power against them. They drown me, and I can't do anything but let them swallow me. Still, I don't understand anything. Especially through their mingling voices, all they say is diffusing. I just decide to let go and let them devour me. That moment, I can make out a word and suddenly, everything is calm again. The first voice seems to be gone and the only one left is the warm and kind one. I reach out my hand. "Yura"

As I'm waking up, I feel my body aching all over the place. I try to cover my face, but my arms won't move. Even through my closed eyes, I sense a bright light surrounding me. Slowly, I remember what had happened and images are racing through my mind. Beka has kissed me. We were fighting. I tried to save him and… What happened then? I was in the void again, so I must probably have... But how can I be here if I did?

Cautiously, I open my eyes and I look towards a wooden ceiling. I turn my head and a room comes into my sight. A chair is standing next to the bed I'm laying in. I have no idea where I am. There aren't any houses outside of the walls. So how did I get here? I tried to lift myself up, but my arms won't obey me. Centimetre by centimetre I press my back up the headboard. Every muscle hurts and burns on every little movement I make. It takes quite some time, but finally I am able to sit upright. Then, I let my gaze wander around. The room seems very plane. Its walls and floor are made out of wood. A small window on my right lets in red and orange rays of light. On my left there is a door, that is slightly open. Through that little gap, two voices reach my ears.

The first one seems familiar, but I can't match it right now. Its owner seems to be furious. "Are you completely out of your mind? Have you even thought about it even once? I didn't approve your suicidal idea to join him to fight outside the walls, but I didn't stop you. But this is one step to far! I have no idea how He will react." – "I don't care what He thinks about that. He even put me in this situation." I recognize this second voice to be Beka's. "No, you put yourself in this situation Otabek. It was your decision from the start." – "I didn't choose to fall in love with Yuri, all that matters is that I did. And what did He do? Instead of uniting me with my partner, He sent him out! Should I have watched him die out there?" Beka has never been angry. He is the most controlled Cloud Keeper I know. But now, his voice is dark and bitter. I noticed that the first voice was taking a breath and was ready to go on, when a calmer one interrupted him. "Victor, can't you remember how it was when we met for the first time? Don't you remember how we spent an eternity together far away from the others. You know how strong an angel's bond can be, even before it's completely fulfilled."

Curious about who Beka was talking to, I try to support myself on the wall next to me and take one step forward at a time. My legs tremble under my weight, but slowly I make it to the door. "I know Yuuri, I know. I'm not saying I don't understand what Otabek is going through, but he risked his own life." Finally, I get ahold of the doorframe quietly opening the door to gain a better sight. In front of Beka, the tall angel with the golden wings and the silver hair I saw talking to Beka a while ago. Now, he has turned his gaze to the smaller angel with the silver wings and the black hair. The tall angel which seems to be called Victor lets out a sigh. "I'm not here to tell you how risky your actions have been. You know that using your powers to resurrect Yuri could have killed you. I'm just here to tell you that you should take care of the both of you. I have no idea how He will react as soon as he hears about it."

"Is that true?", I hear myself say. The three heads turn to me instantly. Beka looks shocked at first, but without hesitation he walks to me and wraps his arms around me. Even though my body hurts, I hug him back. "I guess we should go now" Victors says and two stokes of wings later, he and his partner Yuuri are gone.

"I'm so glad you're alive" Beka whispers into my ear. "Is it true what this angel said? You resurrected me? But how is this possible. Cloud Keepers don't have such powers." My head is spinning and although I really enjoy his closeness, I want Beka to tell me the truth.

After a few moments, he draws back from me and takes my hands. "Yes, it is true. You saved me from that demon by giving your own life. I was devasted. I can't live without you. I brought you here and I did my best to bring you back. I never did this before so I wasn't sure it would work, but I couldn't let you die. I need you." Beka looks into my eyes and I can see how desperate he is. I turn my hands and intertwine our finger, to show him that I won't be leaving him no matter what he will say. I look up to him, try to form a smile to reassure him and he continues.

"I have these powers because I'm not a Cloud Keeper, I am an angel. A long time ago I was a guardian. It was my job to watch after a little boy. He wasn't the easiest and sometimes I really had a tough time with him. But over the course of his life, I fell in love with him. I tried to keep it to myself, because guardians aren't supposed to develop feelings for their protégés. It clouds their judgements they say. However, I wanted to be close to him and I couldn't resist going down to earth to meet him. Of course, my superiors found out that I became a part of his life without any necessity. They assigned me to someone else, but I never let my eyes of him. When he died, I waited an eternity for him to be reborn. I waited for you to be awakened. "[AS1]

"When He finally called your name, I couldn't wait to see you again. I had missed you so much, you can't imagine. Then I found out that He made you a Cloud Keeper and my whole world shattered. How should I be able to go on like nothing happened when I knew that you were so close to me but parted from me by these stupid walls. How could I let you fight for your life on your own, while I was inside the walls you defend. Being close to you was all I ever wanted. So, I decided to become a Cloud Keeper. Victor, my superior, wasn't happy that I wanted to abandon my duties inside the paradise to be close to you, but he helped me disguising so no one would notice. I knew that Cloud Keepers aren't supposed to bond with a partner, but I was fine with having you by my side. However, I have prayed every second for you to return my feelings. Because I love you."

* * *

[AS1]MEIIIN GOOOTT, ist das SÜÜÜß *-* **Quietschalarm**


	7. 07 UNiCoRE

I have no idea what to say. I should be thinking about the story he told me, the fact that he had known me from my life on earth. I should be worrying about me being dead and then resurrected by him. It would be better for me to take a breath and think about all this. I probably should thank him for bringing me back. But all that is left in my mind is one thing: He loves me. Beka really loves me. He doesn't think I'm weird or abnormal. He has the same feelings as I do. The more I realize this, my body starts trembling. My body is filled by joy so much, it feels like a fireball that burns me down if I won't let it out right away. I slowly untwine our fingers, because I'm close to losing control over my body. I turn my head towards the ground to take one deep breath.

"Yura…" Beka's voice sounds so insecure. But there is no need to and that's what I finally want to show him. I lift my head up again, smiling at him for a second before I wrap my arms around his neck to pull him closer to kiss him. I must have surprised him, because it takes a second for him to return the kiss. His tongue starts caressing my lips and I open them happily. While Beka intensifies our kiss even more, his hands are wandering over my back, reaching for every inch of me. I want to touch more of him as well, so I start drawing soft lines with my fingers as I let them slide down his back to take a short rest at his waist. But this isn't enough, I need him to be even closer. It seems like he is thinking the same, because in this very moment he tightens his arms around me, so no sheet of paper would fit between us.

His kisses make me feel so dizzy and I need to pull my head back for a second to catch a breath. However, Beka just takes this as an invite to start kissing his way up to my ears nibbling at my earlobe. I let out a small moan. If he doesn't stop soon, I'll lose myself completely. But this seems to be his goal as I suddenly feel his hands on my butt. His hands squeeze and I arch my back pressing myself even closer to him. I'm done. I finally let go of all the things that are holding me back. I want him. Now.

Without hesitation, I open up the brooch that is holding his robe around his shoulders. Then, I reach for his belt, but before I can even try to lay my shaking hands on the buckle, Beka grasps my arms to stop me. Confused, I look up just to get caught by his eyes that are even darker then the last time when we did this. He is breathing heavily and I can recognize a small red shimmer on top of his cheeks. He returns my look and swallows. Next, he whispers in a deeper and huskier voice than usual: "Not in here." Before I can process what he said, he takes my hand and drags me out of the house. I have no time to look around, because he pulls me close, spreads his wings and takes me up.

His wide black wings are truly amazing. They are so much stronger than mine. We are higher than I have ever been or would be able to go. Clouds, planets and the sun are passing by until we are only surrounded by stars. Wrapping his arms even closer around me, he turns his head towards the sky. "I wanted to show you this for such a long time." I turn up my head as well and I feel like the whole universe, an eternity of small shimmering lights is evolving before me. I'm hardly able to turn away from this beautiful sight, but as my gaze meets Bekas, I can see all the stars being reflected by his eyes. "This is amazing." He smiles at me and carefully strokes a flick of hair out of my face. "I love you Yura", he says and I can't stop my heart from beating faster. "I love you, too." I reply in a trembling voice. Suddenly, Beka's arms around me start shaking and he has to tighten them even more to stop them. Tears are welling in his eyes as he leans his forehead on mine. "You have no idea how long I have wished for you to say this. I never thought I could be this happy."

I'm so touched by his feelings, I don't know what to say. But, I don't need to say anything. He already knows that I feel the same way. His right hand is holding on to my neck and his thump slowly caresses my skin. For quite some time, we don't move. We just enjoy being so close and the certainty that our feelings are mutual. Then, carefully as he could break me, Beka kisses me. His lips on mine feel so soft, so pure. We take our time, intensifying our kisses one by one. Then, his hands slide under my robe leaving burning trails on my skin. With just one move, he opens my belt and my robe slides off my shoulders. His hands follow the thin fabric over my back. I want to touch him like this as well, but I have to hold him, because my wings wouldn't carry me in such heights.  
As if he had read my mind, Beka's fingers wander to my thighs and he lifts me up, so I can wrap my legs around his waist. With free hands I can finally touch his upper body letting my fingers run over every single inch that I can reach. Gently, I let them slide lower and stop on his belt. I let them slip under it for a second and I notice that Beka's breathing becomes heavier as I go on. Feeling his grasp tightening on my back, I finally open the buckle.

The second the buckle fell open, Beka lifts me up a little more to remove his robe with his free hand. Then, he pulls me close again and I let out a moan as there is no clothing left between us. I can finally feel his bare skin on mine and it makes me happy that it is as heated up and trembling as mine. To know that he wants me as much as I want him, makes me even more aroused. So, I start pressing my growing erection on to his lower body which causes his own to grow as well. It keeps pressing against my butt and I want nothing more than to feel it in me. With slow movements, I start thrusting my hips against his. It seems like he took this as a starting sign, because Beka moves his hands to my butt and squeezes it. One of his fingers slides towards my backdoor and carefully presses against it. After some time, it slips in. This feeling makes me tighten my legs around him. It's a bit strange, but not bad. Beka lets me take my time so I can get used to it. I loosen my grip on his shoulder and he slowly starts thrusting. Every time he pulls out his fingers just to jab them into me again, I can feel a wave of heat building up inside me. I have to stop kissing him, because this causes me to moan constantly. Then, I feel a second and later a third finger in me that are cautiously widening me. My hips are desperately moving against his. I need more of this, but I don't want his fingers. I want him. I try to suppress my moans for a second to look into his eyes. "Please."

Returning my gaze, Beka lets his fingers slide out of me leaving a void. But it no time I feel him positioning and then slowly pressing into me. I throw back my head, because I can hardly stand the feeling of being filled by him. Again, Beka doesn't move, lets me get used to him and kisses my face and my neck. Leaning my head onto his shoulders I take some deep breaths. Even though it is unfamiliar, this feels amazing. Being so close to someone you love – this is a feeling I can't describe. As I feel ready, I nod, my head still covered at his neck, but Beka understands. He thrusts into me, carefully, gently, causing my breath to go heavier forming moan after moan. My erection is caught between our bodies rubbing against our skin with every movement of his. Slowly, he increases his pace and changes his ankle a little bit. Suddenly, I feel the stroke of a lightning hitting my whole body, reaching for every muscle in me. Colours explode before my inner eye and I bury my nails in his shoulder. Beka keeps hitting on this point inside me and I lose myself with every thrust. I won't last any longer and I can feel that Beka won't, too. As his movements become even deeper I throw back my head. Opening my eyes I see that beautiful sight of millions of stars surrounding us and Beka's feelings and the realisation of us being together hits me. My body tenses and with one last moan I come between us feeling that Beka comes inside of me just a second later letting out a silent "Yura...".

I try to catch my breath while loosening my tight grip on Beka's shoulders. It takes some time until I'm able to gather my senses. I haven't quite realised what just happened, but honestly, I don't really care. I don't want to overthink something that felt so overwhelming, so amazing. I lift my head from his neck and look into Beka's eyes. He looks exhausted but as satisfied and happy as me. Then, a feeling hits me. Not like a stroke, but softer. It grows in my heart and then flows to fill up my whole body. It is warm and it embraces my everything. I feel loved, I feel whole, I feel home.


	8. 08 Carnation

I'm panting heavily as I try to regain control over myself. I look down at Beka. His eyes are still closed and is beautiful lips form a satisfied smile. Softly he caresses my thighs. Although I love sitting on him, my legs start to tremble and my knees ache from being in this position too long. Supporting myself on his chest, I slowly raise myself from his lap and roll to his side. Beka stretches his arm so I can cuddle onto his shoulder wrapping my arm around his sweaty body. His eyes still closed, he bends the arm I lay on to play with my hair. Just as much as I love those moments when he is deep inside of me, I love these moments afterwards when we just lay next to each other. We don't need to talk. Just being close, letting our bodies and minds calm down is enough. I wish it could be like this forever.

Some time has passed since Beka brought me to his favourite place under the stars[AS1] . Since then, we haven't been doing much. We watched sunrises and sunsets. We talked about everything that came to our minds. We sat next to each other silently, enjoying each other's closeness. We loved each other with our bodies, with our minds and our souls. Something has changed between us since we conjoined for the first time. We haven't talked about it, but I'm sure Beka feels it, too. It feels like we finally completed our journey after searching for an eternity. It feels like home, like we are whole for the first time, like this is the only reason why we exist. Our fates have been connected since the beginning of time and now, we are here. We belong together and nothing will separate us. Nothing, despite the different roles He assigned us to. Nothing, despite the soldiers that were send to look for us, because we neglected our duty.

I have no idea what Victor did to hide us, but somehow he managed to buy us some time. Time to decide what we are going to do. Until now, we have avoided this topic. We didn't want to waste the precious seconds we could spent with one another with talking about things we can't predict, things that only hold darkness and despair. However, we can't elude this any longer. We can't hide forever and I don't want to. Of course, I want to be with Beka. There is no other option for me. But I don't want to watch every step I take. I want us to be happy without fearing any judgment that might come upon us.

"I don't want to be separated from you, but I'm sure I wouldn't be able to fear for your life every second." I mumble against Beka's chest. First, I wasn't sure if he had heard me, but he wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer. I can hear his heartbeat. A second back it was calm and steady, however, now it beats faster and slightly out of control. He takes his time to find an answer. "There is no way I would leave you outside the walls alone. I'll stay by your side no matter what. I will never allow anyone to separate us again. Rather, I'll remain disguising as a Cloud Keeper." – "But Beka, I can't let you risk your life out there just so we can be together." – "But there is no other choice, Yura." His voice is louder than usual. I can hear how desperate he is. "I already talked to Viktor. There is no way a Cloud Keeper could become an angel. He and Yuuri read every record that exists." He lets his free hand run through his hair and sighs. "Maybe it's His punishment. Maybe it's our fate to see each other dying. Probably, we won't even be able to be there when it happens. I couldn't stand letting you die alone." I turn my head up to look at him. I have never seen him like that. His face shows that he is out of ideas. We have no other option than to return to the frontlines, hope for a mild judgement and fear every day for each other's lives, don't we? I let my hand wander slowly from his chest to his cheeks. With gentle pressure, I turn his head to the side, so I can look into his eyes.

"There is another option. Probably, you will not like it, but listen to me. I can't be without you. Neither can I allow any bloody demon to take you away from me. So maybe, we should decide about this ourselves." – "What do you mean, Yura? Are you assuming that we should…" – "No, no way. We shouldn't kill each other. But why don't we just…fall?" I can't read Beka's look. For quite some time, he just stares over my head. I don't dare to say anything. I'm too afraid of what he could say. It's not that I doubt that he loves me as much as I love him, but this step would be final, terminal, irreversible. "Ok." – "Okay? What do you mean by that?" – "Okay, let's fall." – "Have you really thought about that. I mean, this is a huge step. It's not like we are dying. Nobody knows what happens to angels when they fall – no matter if they were kicked out of paradise or decided to do so by themselves. You could just go back and…" – "Yura! I've made my decision long ago. Even before you were awakened. If I ever was to meet you again, I would do anything it takes to stay by your side and protect you. I love you. I love you a lot more than my life. So lets do it. Let's fall together."

"I will miss this place", Beka whispers into my ear. We are up in the sky again to let us be surrounded by stars for one last time. "Me, too. Have you told Viktor abouty…" – "No, he would just try to stop us. It's better that way. If he'll not understand, Yuuri definitely will." I raised my head from Beka's shoulders to look into his eyes. They are coloured in that warm brown that caused me to fell in love with him the first time I saw him. He returns my gaze and smiles. I try to smile, too, but I can't stop tears from dwelling up. Carefully, Beka wipes them away. "Are you ready?", he asks me. "I am…." "I love you, Yura." – "I love you too." His smile widens and he pulls me close to kiss me passionately. Then, he stops holding us in the air and he falls backwards. His arms are still wrapped tightly around me as we headfirst dash downwards. I clench myself onto him. I should be nervous about what is waiting for us. I should be afraid. But I don't feel any of this, because I know that Beka is with me. He will always be by my side. Our bond is stronger than anything we could face.  
I close my eyes cuddled into Beka's arms and enjoy our fall. Somehow, I don't know where it comes from, I know for sure that everything will be alright – because we are together.

* * *

[AS1]Das ist eine mega süße Formulierung dafür 3


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